New year! Happy new year everyone!

Still not in the mood to write something, but my last entry is so depressing so I decided to write a new one in a more positive tone.

Bad news btw, one of my favourite website will be close down due to money related problem. Damn this inflation. So goodbye to JPG Magazine, this is sad, because I found lots of great photographer there. I’ll be surely miss them.

And my brother will go to Malay for 6 month, aww will miss you bro!

Ok, what else I should write? I ran out of topic!

Hmm.. What about new year resolutions? That’s what I usually do at the beginning of the year.

So my new year resolutions consist of finding something someone to fill a big crater (which is keep getting bigger and void) inside me. Yeah cliché but still being in love is like an ecstasy of imagination and I need it to keep think creative.

A big note from last year is that I burned many bridges with many people. Err..yes I’m really into reclusive mood last year. And it’s worth it. I don’t hate people. I just hate people that backstabbing or hurt me after I let them into my life. Trust is a very big word to me, but once I trust people, it’s just not a word. I love every person that I trust as big as my own self. So once you know me, just don’t hurt me please. I’m bleeding easily.

I’m making banana cake btw, which is a success. Huray! And it’s delicious..nyam!

Mood: blue

Eating: fish floss

Listening: news

Yesterday, I was chatting with someone about something, and then he asked me whether I’m happy or not. And that question just struck me like lighting. After I thought about it all night, I came to conclusion, no, I’m not happy. When the last time I really laugh? Seem a long time ago. I feel depressed actually and almost suicidal (thanks God I have blood phobia btw). Part of my depression is that one of my best friends just got married. And I feel sort of lonely, yeah I’m happy for her and not envy her at all. Just lonely.

We, human is really a fragile creature, aren’t we? We afraid of loneliness. People can be introvert or ekstrovert, it doesn’t matter, but deep down we are all social creature. We need community, and even inside that community we still afraid to being alone and thus we need a soulmate. Maybe it’s a mechanical inside everyone that makes us keep reproduce so we’ll not become extinct. We are all dolls with the same design, craving the same need inside a colonial. You feel unique? You feel beautiful and different? Hell no, we are all the same! Viva monotonous!

And yes…I’m depressed..

(UPDATE)

ok, I’m suck at depressed, but it doesn’t mean that I’m a sanguine person right? (Oh, God Forbid!!)

Been in euphoric mood because one of my piece got admitted to Let-It-Di gallery :boogie:

Mood: hmm..

Listening: Billie Holliday

I just trying out a new salad recipe and it turns out very delicious *in a housewife mood*. It’s still rainy season btw and I’m terribly happy everyday. Even the other day when I had a usual war world with my mom I still ends up with a grin. Hahaha…and of course I’m in a creative mood, I keep seeing colour everywhere and sleeping with a dream about conceptual. Yes I love this season!!

grilled chicken salad with black pepper-ed cherry tomato and apple salad

Mood: hungry…..oh no

Listening to: Diana Krall & Tony Bennet – World on a String

Why oh why my mom can’t realize that I’m a very introvert person with a high addiction to privacy. My mom as a person is completely 360 degree different person than me. I’m more like my father I guess, who need quiet time and really really into privacy. A disturbing on my privacy can make me cranky for days. And not a chit chat type of person either. So when I’m in a PMS mode or contemplative mood I can  ‘go hiding in a cave’ for days (ehm…borrowing the phrase from Mars & Venus book). But my mom who’s a highly sociable person and will dying without social communication keep bugging me on those days. Either she keep asking what’s wrong or she accusing me as an unresponsive daughter. Well….blah mom, and like I’m always said, the world is not spinning around you.

 So please respect my privacy………

Mood: content

Drinking: honey

Listening: rain pouring down

Ahh…rainy season! Hurayy!

I used to hate raining, because it’s noisy, wet and gloomy. But after being tortured by a never ending summer and the unbearable heat. I welcome rainy season with complete delight! It’s so comfort to curl up in bed with good book and listening to the rain. And my mood is completely serene and also my creativity is back, oh I shall love rain from now on.

Nb: my mood is completely ruin! There’s lizard in my bedroom! Aaaaaa damn! Ok, if I burn my bedroom will it be too much? I’m freak out okay….. That lizard is hiding somewhere  in my bedroom !!!!

Mood: sweaty

Listening to: Edith Piaff – La Vie en Rose

In every man there’s a boy trapped in adult body. Yes, it’s true and no, it’s not a feminist essay. I just realize something about men in my life. Just a days ago my brother said that he saw a complete DVD of “satria baja hitam” and very much regret not bought it. When I heard that I just comment about, how I thought he’s already over that satria baja hitam phase. And then I remember my male friend who looking for gundam dvd and watched it together with all his friends >.<

Oh no….then again my former love interest said something about how he want to have an alien (not the greeny-slimy-creature but the one from Sigourney Weaver movie) as his pet. Ugh..okay…

Another example from my other friend who’s dubbed superman as his lifetime hero, which I don’t really like because well, it’s not natural to see a man with blue underwear hanging on his clothes and flying around.  And here’s another one who’s named his business as one of fighting style in Dragon Ball series.

See? Boys will boys, right? Haha…but it’s cute to know that behind that big macho façade  there are little boys longing to get out.

So girls what’s your favourite superhero? Be imaginative and tell me, so just to be fair, my favourite is Batman. Haha.. Really how you can’t love batman, a millionaire, handsome, playboy and superhero on the night. Perfect right? Hahaha… but then again I love the noir aura from Batman series. It’s just not a 2 dimensional good versus evil stories but everyone have a dark side. Even the villain always have reasons to push them to the edge of sanity, there’s humanity inside all those fantastic machine. And of course I have to mention newest series from Christopher Nolan. Which very much have everything I love about that particular superhero.

Mood: I think I have a crush!

Eating: ice cream

Listening to : Panique au salon – Georges Deligny

Ahhh…it’s over! A whole week with my neurotic mother is excruciating slow…

And Bandung is become very very hot…Other country is on the beginning of autumn but I swear here is  the middle of Summer! I really can’t stay away from swimming pool…. Or ice cube….

Oh..it’s too hot to think..

Btw embarassing moment at the bank the other day when I’m report my blocked ATM. It’s the disease that you get when you have a forgetful friend (haha..just kidding kongz), how can I explain that I suddenly had a partial amnesia and forgot my PIN? Why I always get embarassing experience with amnestic mind…

Synopsis:

Combining the intimacy of memoir with the epic sweep of a great novel, Wild Swans tells the story of three women – Jung Chang, her mother and her grand mother – whose fortune mirror the tumultuous history of twentieth-century China. As the years pass in this beautifully detailed family tapestry, we see three lives unfolding one from the other, through love, tragedy and renewal. Breathtaking in its scope, unforgettable in its description of China’s long nightmare, it is both an important work of contemporary history and an extraordinary testimony to the human spirit.

My review:

A must reading material for all people who have Chinese blood in their vein. It’s not a book about praising heritage or tradition as a Chinese or senseless critical abour China’s communism. This book is combining memoir and history description about how one person manage to almost destroy a huge country like China, not just destroying in physical sense but also their rights as human to have independence mind and thought, but still  people praised him as a living god. China modern is like building a new era barely from scrap, lots of great arts from thousands of generation before was destroyed on Maoism regime (my art dealer side really brokenhearted by this fact, imagine what the world can learn nowadays if those arts still intact). I used to hate capitalist oriented people because they seem to think about money above anything else. But oh how ignorant I was, after I read this book, capitalism is like manna from heaven. They don’t put money above anything else, but they just believe that opportunity to make money is solely based on personal capability. So therefore people with great entrepreneur skill ended up with lots of profit than the one who’s lack of skill. It’s fair, right? And I will forever  gratify by my grandfather decision to leave China mainland and come to Indonesia. Even my overflowing imagination failed to imagine what happened to my family if we lived there on those terrible years with repressed personal thought and brainwashing slogan “Long Live Mao” over and over again. Like my mom said, that I have tendency to do revolutionist things (even to the degree that my mom sigh a relief when I choose art world instead of political), so to  live  in China on those Maoism era is my biggest worst nightmare ever. I’m not a racist who think that Chinese is superior that any other races, but I just believe that young generations should not ignorant about their own heritage and in my case is Chinese tradition.

Mood: angst

Listening: Kimi’s snoring

Drinking: coffee

Watching: indigo renderer in work

Do you know that 21 people died on stampede because of Rp 30.000,00 (that’s barely 3USD)?

I watched it on the news, and really…it’s so sad…It’s sad because is Indonesian people really that poor? And it’s also sad because it looks inhuman, why they have to make all that people trampling each other just to get Rp 30.000,00. If they really want to help all those poor people, why they don’t just come to their house and give the money privately?

Separately from that stampede accident, in completely different situation, let’s just say a sale of some kind branded clothes. Usually that kind of sale is a big event, people willing to waiting in the line from early morning just to await the shop open. Even one of my friends makes her mother, her housekeeeping, her father and her bf to wait on the line, that way when the shop open she can run and take all the clothes that she want. It’s also makes me sad to see all those people (or women maybe because man on branded sale usually just a victim of abusing relationship with her gf^^) behaving like in trance fighting each other just to get a jacket or shoes or bags.  I’ve been asked myself is all that stuff really worth? I’ve been in that shophaholic craze persona but now I grown out that phase, I find other thing in life beside material stuff.  If you can’t afford the usual price without sale what’s the point you have that thing anyway?  They are not that good.. I mean there  are a lot of good stuff that you can buy without you have to act lika a mad-crazy-shophaholic-woman. Oh and a branded jackets won’t make you suddenly looks like a Lindsey Lohan clone.

There’s different situation right? Very different almost an opposite.

But what I want to say is there’s some kind of similarity between both situation.  I don’t know what it’s called, greedy I think? An overvalue of material stuff.  Although in first case you can argue that they really need the money but still…. I bet all those people who involve in that stampede accident is wait in the line with their brother, sister, wife, husband, children, grandmother, etc…etc… And maybe that’s what made the situation became overcrowded.

 Ok we live in a material world, where material things is in higher value than anything else. Yeah money is necessity, we can’t live without money but when money become the most important thing in your thought, maybe you have to step back and rearrange your priority. What will happened if you have all money in the world but without someone you love or family to love you? It’s cliché but do you think you really can be happy? It’s not a critic or an essay about materialistic world, it’s just a girl’s opinion who’s still young, fool and idealistic, you can sneer or ignore this post  but guess what, it’s my blog so I’m free to write everything I want.

Mood: dizzy

Reading: indigo tutorial

Eating: mooncake a.k.a tiong chiu pia

Happy mooncake festival everyone!

This is one of the tradition that makes me proud as a Chinese. I’m not always proud being a Chinese because sometimes their materialistic side is pretty annoying *ok grandma please forgive your insolence grandaughter*.  For those who doesn’t know, mooncake festival is the Mid-Autumn Festival and it’s always on the 15th day when the moon is at its biggest and brightest. My family still celebrate this event, and there’s always various type of mooncake on my house every tiong chiu day. My favourite? Of course the duren flavour! So go outside everyone, bring tea and mooncake, let’s see the beautiful full moon^^